Atari 2600 box art vs. Atari 2600 games

No doubt about it, video games look great these days. Realistic character models, lushly rendered environments, and eye-popping visual effects seem to leap off the screen. If only box art had kept pace. In the days of the Atari 2600, the covers for most games were rendered with rich artistic detail, promising boundless visual delights within. If only the games looked anything like the box art promised. Here are some of my favorites.

Berzerk

The box promises:
A pitched battle against super advanced robotic insects through the depths of a Tron-like computerized environment. Your character is a lithe, speedo-clad Bruce Jenner lookalike.

The game delivers:
Several confused golems wait for their turn at the pink water fountain. They all got there at the same time, and no one knows who gets to go first.

Cosmic Ark

The box promises:
A Star Destroyer can pat its head and rub its tummy at the same time, blasting oncoming asteroids while gently scooping up the imperiled citizens of the galaxy.

The game delivers:
The flying oyster is nauseous, possibly from looking too long at the greenish starfield.

Adventure

The box promises:
Dragons! Castles! Hedge mazes! The grandest adventure of all time awaits, if thou are stout of spirit and pure of heart!

The game delivers:
Damn it, Warren left the pool floaty out again.

Custer's Revenge

The box promises:
A horny, nude cowboy ravishes a captive Native American woman.

The game delivers:
A horny, nude cowboy -- ah, crap.