My office has become a console graveyard. It's like the scene in Gone with the Wind where the camera pulls back to reveal an endless array of dead and wounded Confederate soldiers. My SIXAXIS, as described in the control pad stress test, lies mangled and useless next to the PlayStation 3. The Dual Shock 3 comes out on April 15, so I need to try to make it a month without playing another PS3 game, or I'll have to buy another SIXAXIS. Yes, I have no one to blame but myself, but I'd still rather not sink $50 into a soon-to-be-obsolete peripheral if I can help it.
The much sadder sight is the empty Wii stand next to the TV. Say what you will about that little system, it's certainly easy on the eyes. And now it's gone, probably for another seven business days. I packed it off to FedEx this morning in an old J. Crew box. The idea was not to draw attention to the package's contents, as Nintendo recommends, but that's sort of hard to do when the address label blares "NINTENDO OF AMERICA" on two different lines. I did not feel confident handing it over to the purple-suited fellow behind the counter at my local FedEx Kinko's.
If you think my apprehension is unwarranted, let me tell you about the time I received a parcel from Rockstar Games that had been ripped open and retaped somewhere in transit. My copy of Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas was nowhere to be found (although, fortunately, the thief had left me a sticker and a hat). The courier? Federal Express. I don't know what's worse: that FedEx employs thieves, or that said thieves probably post at NeoGAF.
Amid all this catastrophic hardware failure, there's one noisy, overheated, disaster-prone machine that just keeps humming along like nobody's business: Old Reliable, the Xbox 360. That console has just passed the two-year mark of uninterrupted service. It's like my office is sitting in some localized Bizarro dimension.
Having said that, I imagine my 360 has only weeks to live.
Showing posts with label Sixaxis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sixaxis. Show all posts
Monday, March 17, 2008
Friday, February 22, 2008
Control Pad Stress Test: PlayStation 3 SIXAXIS
Whenever a new game console is released to market, one of its key features is the control pad. Consumers look at ergonomics, button layout, and even aesthetic design, in addition to functionality issues such as the Wii remote's motion-sensitive inputs. Now, after an unprecedented year-long study, Insult Swordfighting is proud to present the results of our intensive stress test of the control pads for the three major game consoles. Today: the PlayStation 3 SIXAXIS.
The Game: Devil May Cry 4
The Scenario: A final, almost tacked-on battle against a nearly defeated Savior, in which Nero must attack the Savior's right hand with a Buster (simple) and then leap and grab the Savior's left hand with the Devil Bringer at a precise moment (IMPOSSIBLE WTF).
The Stress Test: Experimenter remained seated and released the SIXAXIS in a shallow downward motion, simulating disgust and frustration. As always, it was impossible to replicate the exact force and trajectory from one test to the next. In this case, mitigating factors were the oblique angle of the throw, and the area rug that may or may not have been at the first point of impact.
Impact on Aesthetics: Devastating. The plastic pieces between the R1 and R2 buttons, and the L1 and L2 buttons, have both detached -- as has the R1 button itself. R2 and L1 are both loose. The front and back pieces of the controller's body are coming apart. In addition, the four face buttons now feel loose and lack tactile feedback.
Impact on Performance: Substantial. With the R2 button hanging by a thread, a sweeping upward motion is required to press it. The R1 button is missing entirely, and thus unusable. The L1 button has been knocked off its axis a bit, although it still works. And the PS button is stuck in the depressed position. Analog stick functions seem to work fine, as does patented SIXAXIS tilt control, insofar as patented SIXAXIS tilt control works at all.
The Verdict: Kaput. The SIXAXIS was unable to stand up to our rigorous stress test, just as its Dual Shock predecessor was when pitted against the turtle-like boss in Shadow of the Colossus. (You know, the one with all the geysers on the ground and it flips onto its back and you climb up and if you fall off while it's turning over you have to do it all again and oh my god.) A new SIXAXIS will be required to play future PS3 games.
But Insult Swordfighting Labs feels that scientific knowledge is worth the cost, as the benefit to humanity from these tests far outweighs short-term material considerations. Toward a better and more prosperous future!
The Game: Devil May Cry 4The Scenario: A final, almost tacked-on battle against a nearly defeated Savior, in which Nero must attack the Savior's right hand with a Buster (simple) and then leap and grab the Savior's left hand with the Devil Bringer at a precise moment (IMPOSSIBLE WTF).
The Stress Test: Experimenter remained seated and released the SIXAXIS in a shallow downward motion, simulating disgust and frustration. As always, it was impossible to replicate the exact force and trajectory from one test to the next. In this case, mitigating factors were the oblique angle of the throw, and the area rug that may or may not have been at the first point of impact.
Impact on Aesthetics: Devastating. The plastic pieces between the R1 and R2 buttons, and the L1 and L2 buttons, have both detached -- as has the R1 button itself. R2 and L1 are both loose. The front and back pieces of the controller's body are coming apart. In addition, the four face buttons now feel loose and lack tactile feedback.
Impact on Performance: Substantial. With the R2 button hanging by a thread, a sweeping upward motion is required to press it. The R1 button is missing entirely, and thus unusable. The L1 button has been knocked off its axis a bit, although it still works. And the PS button is stuck in the depressed position. Analog stick functions seem to work fine, as does patented SIXAXIS tilt control, insofar as patented SIXAXIS tilt control works at all.
The Verdict: Kaput. The SIXAXIS was unable to stand up to our rigorous stress test, just as its Dual Shock predecessor was when pitted against the turtle-like boss in Shadow of the Colossus. (You know, the one with all the geysers on the ground and it flips onto its back and you climb up and if you fall off while it's turning over you have to do it all again and oh my god.) A new SIXAXIS will be required to play future PS3 games.
But Insult Swordfighting Labs feels that scientific knowledge is worth the cost, as the benefit to humanity from these tests far outweighs short-term material considerations. Toward a better and more prosperous future!
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