Whenever a new game console is released to market, one of its key features is the control pad. Consumers look at ergonomics, button layout, and even aesthetic design, in addition to functionality issues such as the Wii remote's motion-sensitive inputs. Now, after an unprecedented year-long study, Insult Swordfighting is proud to present the results of our intensive stress test of the control pads for the three major game consoles. Today: the Wii remote.
The Game: The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess
The Scenario: Link must escort a carriage across Hyrule, fending off attacks from creatures both land- and air-based. This sequence requires Link to control his horse, Epona, while shooting at his enemies with the Wii remote-controlled bow-and-arrow, and putting out fires on the carriage with his boomerang. Failure results in the scenario restarting.
The Stress Test: Experimenter leapt up from his chair and released the Wii remote in a sharp downward motion, simulating disgust and frustration. Although the first-generation wrist strap did break, it likely retarded the remote's acceleration. This was a variable that Insult Swordfighting Labs unfortunately did not foresee. It should also be mentioned that subsequent stress tests have failed to defeat the newer, hardier wrist strap.
Impact on Aesthetics: Hardly any. An almost imperceptible separation appeared on one side of the casing, where the front and back portions of the exterior meet. The finish was not chipped or scuffed in any way.
Impact on Performance: Mild. Since performing the test, a loose particle is audible inside the Wii remote when it is shaken vigorously or upended. For a brief span of time, the B button had a tendency to stick in the depressed position, but the problem seems to have resolved itself. No discernable impact on pointer and motion-sensing functions.
The Verdict: Unclear. As stated above, the effect of the wrist strap on the stress test is unquantifiable with current data recording techniques. Additionally, newer Wii remotes come with a thick, rubbery casing that did not factor into this test, but would likely increase its durability. Nevertheless, for something that feels in your hand like it cost six cents to make, Insult Swordfighting researchers were suitably impressed that the stress test resulted in no apparent loss of function.
Tomorrow: The Xbox 360 control pad.