FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

(Bob: This template has always worked for me in the past. Call me if you have any questions. x4219.)

To: Our friends in the press
From: Your friends at Acme PR
Subject: [Publisher] announces [new game]!

Gamers everywhere are about to be [violent metaphor] when [publisher] releases [new game], exclusively for [video game system].

Set in the open world of [brown-and-gray city], [new game] stars [monosyllabic name], a grim antihero with the power to [violent ability that differs only cosmetically from shooting a gun]. When the evil [corporation or government agency] unleashes a plot to enslave the residents of [brown-and-gray city], only [monosyllabic name] can stop them.

"We're thrilled to bring [new game] to the masses," says [spokesman for publisher]. "Gamers will love to ["explore," "destroy," or "explore and destroy"] [brown-and-gray city]. And with our proven strength in building brands, we think that [new game] will be a successful franchise for us for years to come."

[New game] is being developed by [developer], known to gamers for past hits such as [identical older game] and [previous game in series]. [New game] uses the [third-party graphics or physics engine] to create a game world unlike any you've seen before.

"In [new game], players will experience unprecedented freedom and immersion," promises [spokesman for developer]. "[New game] has photorealistic graphics, a cinematic storyline, and a brand-new feature we call [catchy name for feature that is not brand-new]."

"It will [violent metaphor] you," he adds.

For review copies or interview requests, contact Acme PR at (555) 555-4200. And prepare to be [violent or sexual metaphor]!

Gamers with Jobs fillets Gamespot

I don't read Gamers with Jobs enough. A couple weeks back, they posted a satirical memo from an unnamed video game review site to its employees. It's pretty hilarious the whole way through, but this excerpt in particular gave me flashbacks to every glowing Mass Effect review I saw:

It is important to set aside personal preference, and be able to specifically and adequately demonstrate in an objective and quantifiable manner when a game is not fun. Do not be snide, sarcastic or unprofessional in your arguments, and remember to highlight what is fun about a game first. This is what readers want to know, and they will respect what isn’t said more than a caustic and unfair analysis. For example:

Game X is terrific fun to play from start to finish. It is an action packed, third person adventure through the gritty underbelly of the modern crime world as well as a nail-biting sci-fi shooter. The controls may take some getting used to, but once it becomes clear what the designers intended by using the function keys as the primary form of movement, you’ll wish every game used the scheme. While aiming in Game X can be difficult for those who aren’t very good at shooters, the method does a good job of recreating a real-world response to an alien shootout.

Dead on.