Thursday, May 28, 2009


(Bob: This template has always worked for me in the past. Call me if you have any questions. x4219.)

To: Our friends in the press
From: Your friends at Acme PR
Subject: [Publisher] announces [new game]!

Gamers everywhere are about to be [violent metaphor] when [publisher] releases [new game], exclusively for [video game system].

Set in the open world of [brown-and-gray city], [new game] stars [monosyllabic name], a grim antihero with the power to [violent ability that differs only cosmetically from shooting a gun]. When the evil [corporation or government agency] unleashes a plot to enslave the residents of [brown-and-gray city], only [monosyllabic name] can stop them.

"We're thrilled to bring [new game] to the masses," says [spokesman for publisher]. "Gamers will love to ["explore," "destroy," or "explore and destroy"] [brown-and-gray city]. And with our proven strength in building brands, we think that [new game] will be a successful franchise for us for years to come."

[New game] is being developed by [developer], known to gamers for past hits such as [identical older game] and [previous game in series]. [New game] uses the [third-party graphics or physics engine] to create a game world unlike any you've seen before.

"In [new game], players will experience unprecedented freedom and immersion," promises [spokesman for developer]. "[New game] has photorealistic graphics, a cinematic storyline, and a brand-new feature we call [catchy name for feature that is not brand-new]."

"It will [violent metaphor] you," he adds.

For review copies or interview requests, contact Acme PR at (555) 555-4200. And prepare to be [violent or sexual metaphor]!


tormodh said...

[stupid or childlike expression]! [developer] is going to [violent or sexual metaphor] the world of [initial game in series]! Get [developer of initial game in series] back to make it [sexual metaphor] great! Everybody should just [ethically dubious action] the [new game] to show our dissatisfaction towards [publisher]!

Tyler said...

I think your google ads are broken.

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Mitch Krpata said...

This blog basically is just one big attempt to meet a good Christian man.

Acaila said...

Sending this to every PR contact I have, Love it :)

Ben Abraham said...

BrĂ¼tal! \m/

Cant waet for this gaem man. Gunna preorder it SO HARD!

Anonymous said...

Holy [adjective][noun] Batman! [generic word] of [generic word] 4 is going to be the best [genre] ever made!

It's going to be the Citizen Kane of games, I just know it! That moral system looks so freaking epic! I'm already wondering if I'll be setting on fire the box of puppies or helping the granny cross the street!! It's like... EPIC, you know?

Oh yeah, and the graphics!!!! They made me [verb] in my pants like... 5 times a second! And I haven't seen a trailer yet! I'm THAT freaking hyped man! [developer] never dissapoints! Except when they made [previous game in the franchise], that was total [synonym for excrement] >=(

"It'll rape you through a hole"

Apolo Imagod said...

LOL!!! Awesome :-)