Friday, March 28, 2008 User-Submitted Previews: Grand Theft Auto IV

A new trailer for Grand Theft Auto IV has excitement at a fever pitch. The game is due to be released on April 29, but that hasn't stopped our friends at from sharing their opinions on the final product. As always, spelling mistakes and grammatical errors are not a result of transcription.

"Beastmaster" has taken a scientific approach to analyzing the game:
After perfusely scouring the internet for information and specs I have come to the conclusion that this installment of the GTA Series is shapping up to be the best yet. Rockstar is stepping away from the more aspect they used in San Andreas and are going more toward realism. Many of my friends are constantly saying that I am overly hyped about GTA 4, but I just reserved my copy today and wont they regret those words on release day.

They won't regret those words because they'll be too busy asking nicely if they can play. And you'll let them. We've all been there.

"Gummi" counsels his fellow gamers to be a bit more circumspect:

Alright.... look ! GTA 4 is going to be a game to look forward to in april, but only ONE of the great games coming out in "08" People say GTA 4 is GOING 2 Be THE BEST GAME EVER !
How can it when GOW 2 comes out later this year ? GTA 4's graphics don't even look like what they should for a next -Gen game, the Guns they put in the Game seems like the same ones they put in every GTA, an the Quote on Quote "Best GAME Ever dosen't even have a online Mode where you can share the excitement with your friends ? Halo 3, one of the best games ever ! COD4,one of the best games ever ! GOW, one of the best games ever ! GTA 4 still needs to prove a lot more before it Ranks in as BEST GAME EVER!!!!!

How can one sequel I've never played be the best game ever when another sequel I've never played might come out at a later time? GTAIV needs to prove a lot more before anybody but the most ardent fanboy believes it's better than Resident Evil 9, which comes out in 2019.

"Jordan" laments Rockstar's betrayal of the little guy:
I think this is going to be a good game to play but whats sucks is that the people who own PS2 don't get the chance to play it and they get screwed.

And how come Sega Saturn owners are getting screwed? Where's the Atari Jaguar version? Multi-platform, my eye.

"Black JaCu" seems a little confused about something:
I always love reading what people have to say. But I think who ever comments about these games are really gay. I just felt like i had to say something. SO who ever is going to coment on this game or any game saying this is the best ever or finaly or yes its comming your all realy gay.

If everybody who comments on the game is gay, and Black JaCu is commenting on the game, doesn't it follow that Black JaCu is himself gay? Or will he invoke the Larry Craig defense ("I have a wide commenting stance")? Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course.

"xbox 360 guy" deserves plaudits for effortlessly blending incoherence with bald-faced lies:
this game is going to be so cool because the graphics and i played the game. it feels like your in the game it so cool you can do so much now you should get this game i like it because sound and missions the xbox 360 is the best to get grandtheft auto iv for that system i already played the playstation 3 for iv and it sucked. get iv for the 360 the = end

To recap: It's cool because graphics, and he likes it because sound and missions. And even if you take it at face value that he did play the game before this comment was posted last November, his username kind of gives the game away.

Of the numerous comments proclaiming GTAIV the best game ever made, none quite reach the grandiloquent heights of the one by "colbog":

this is the reason why you have a system, this game is why you came to life, this game is the best, trow all your games to garbage, and forget about the world this is time to brake up with your girlfrien guys, the graghics and game experince is 5000 stars, ?????? yea really.

After posting this, colbog ascended to heaven on a winged steed.

The = end.


Mike said...

I must say, I very much look forward to these posts. Excellent job yet again.

What scares me while reading these, though, is wondering what percentage are viral marketing plants from game or console companies. Perhaps behind one or two are perfectly literate, well-spoken professionals whose job is to ape 14-year-old potty-mouthed douchebags, dying a little inside every time they post to before lunch break.

Mitch Krpata said...

If that's the case, they work harder than I'd ever be willing to. It'd be like one of those movies where the cop goes undercover and finds more honor among thieves and eventually has to jump off of something rather than face up to what he's done.

Unknown said...

God, these are priceless. And we wonder why parents are concerned that games are rotting their kids' brains.

Michael Abbott said...

From my wide commenting stance I think the marketing angles emerging these days from every direction are completely fascinating. Disturbing, but fascinating. And it doesn't even have to be done well - as in this case - as long as buzz is generated.

The way game journos are suckered into this process, eagerly drinking the Kool-Aid as it is fed to them in "advance exclusive" dribs and drabs is equally disturbing to me. They adamantly claim it has no effect on their reviews, and I guess I believe them, but they are full participants in the buzz-generation process, and I wish they were a little less giddy and thrilled to be so.

Reggie Donovan said...

Request for "User-Submitted Previews: Metal Gear Solid 4" at some point?

Mitch Krpata said...

That's an excellent idea.